The party pooper

The party pooper, such a fascinating creature, it’s like a mermaid and a unicorn had sex and thought that they would have an amazing child, but genetics gave them the middle finger and they ended up with the worst creature ever. Nevertheless, an interesting one, worth looking at closely.

The PP is the person who comes into your life, thinking they are superior and deserve your full attention because they came out of a mermaid. So they poop at your party, pretty much everywhere and don’t understand why you’re mad at them, they think that because their daddy -the unicorn- shits rainbows, that they are the same. Well, their poop might look colourful, but it smells like fish. And no one likes the smell of fish.

The PP was told their whole life by their very popular mom that they can go to all the parties, even without an invitation. They try to get everywhere but don’t invite anyone to their party because they’re a selfish bastard. So they end up alone at home getting drunk with all the booze they bought for the party that no one was invited to. They clearly have an alcohol problem. But they will deny they’re an alcoholic; they’d say that they’re just “having fun”, because life is supposed to be fun, forget about living a meaningful life, they’re too shallow to grasp that.

So now that you have a good idea what the PP is (Please note that no two PPs are the same), analyse your friends and acquaintances carefully, do you know any party pooper? If so, what are you doing about the situation? Are you letting them shit on your newly put carpet and then clean up after them without saying anything? Is the PP the only person who shows up at your parties and you’re afraid that if you don’t invite them, you’ll be alone at home drinking all the alcohol for the party and ending up with a drinking problem?

If the answer is yes to all of these questions, you have two options. One is to remove the carpet. Get it replaced by a giant pet litter. The downside of this is that you have to walk in poop whenever you want to get somewhere in the house. But hey, if you’re into that, I’m not judging.

The second solution, more radical. Is to ask the party pooper to leave, say something like: “Can you stop coming to my parties because you’re so gross and disgusting, please and thanks” If they don’t respond or become very aggressive, call the pest control services.

Those solutions are not revolutionary because one doesn’t use a sledgehammer to crack a nut. Once you get to that place of self-love and self-respect (something we are all working on as it’s easier said than done). You will kick out all the PPs from your life and only keep the mermaids and unicorns, which will make for a great party.

Enjoy your party, and if you’re a PP don’t write back.

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