Whisper your fears to me

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night feeling terrified? Not because you had a nightmare. Somehow, your brain woke up and started reminding you of an awful situation that may or may not has happened. Like a separation with loved ones. Or a possible death of a close family member. Sometimes, the fear and anxiety stay with you the whole day.

I have two types of fears, the manageable ones and the dark ones. For the first type, I know I need to become comfortable walking beside them but keeping enough distance not to let them hold my hand and take me to places I don’t want to go to. I strongly believe that my biggest life achievements are hiding in those spaces that are surrounded by high walls of big but manageable fears.

The second type is the fears that are so scary that I pretend most of the time that they don’t exist, and if I make the mistake to think about them, they will fill me with agonising desperation.

I want to share some of my fears with you. You will probably relate, as I am not a unique snowflake. One of my fears is you. You are reading this, and I am worried about what you think. Do you find my writings good? Or horrible. Do you find me pathetic or dumb? I worry too much about what you think of me. Although there’s a good chance I don’t know you, and if I do, maybe we’re not even that close.

The fear of being judged has different intensities from person to person. For me, I noticed that it was an issue when I finished a lot of my sentences by saying “don’t judge me”. My general coping mechanism is to go out of my way to show people that I don’t care about them, so they won’t think that I’m too scared of them and that I give much importance to their opinion.

Another fear that I have, a paralysing one, is fear of loneliness. Especially after experiencing it this year, I can’t imagine dealing with it again. That fear took so much control over my life that I tried to surround myself with people, the wrong ones. People that I would never have given my time and energy to. Just for the sake of not feeling lonely and isolated.

I’m reaching out to you, asking for your help. How to fight a fear that disarms you completely? How do you stop your fears from eating you alive?

Be brave, and don’t forget to write back.

2 Replies on “Whisper your fears to me

  1. I can relate to the fear when you wake up, it happened the other week, I thought I lost my Dad, and even though it wasn’t the case, it was horrible. I totally get the paralysing fears too. Definitely not a special snowflake (in this regard anyway).

    I am enjoying your writing, and your journey, and I think there is bravery in your vulnerability! 🙂 We don’t know each other very well (I think we have met at work in passing), but I noticed your post in slack, and wanted to support you and share your journey. I am enjoying it so far, as it sometimes feels like you are putting into words what I sometimes think.

    1. Thanks Angela! That kind of comments means a lot to me as it was super scary for me to publish and share my blog 🙂

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